Greetings and Peace,
I hope this finds you all well and enjoying God's many blessings. This is an odd post and rather personal but something told me to share. I must add this disclaimer: I am still processing. But like all other posts that are swarming in my head, or forgotten, I decided to just go for it.
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| Me on a tour at Growing Power. Although you can't see it I was smiling. Very Happy! |
There was not one incident, but there was definitely a moment that had me ready to stop smiling. Honestly, I did for a few hours. And am still having some spaces of smilelessness. :) As I know that I cannot control anyone or anything all I can do is go back and evaluate and analyze what I did and how I can do better in the future. Education/knowledge is awesome. Now that I am somewhat calmer I can replay the events in my mind from the last few days and see how things kept building. All seemingly unrelated. Until... I wanted to SNAP! So what are some things I noticed about myself?
1. I must eat the right foods. When I eat poorly it reflects. Maybe not to others but I notice a change in my thought processes which means I am expending way more energy and time censoring.
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| Gardening Class |
3. I have come a long way but have further to go because some of the thoughts that come to mind when I want to lash out are ... just mean. Praise be to God again that I am learning to keep the thoughts to myself, not make personal attacks. My personal Islamic studies helps a lot with that. The two books that have been fresh on my mind in these instances are The Power of Modesty and Proper Handling of People.
4. Environment... Enough cannot be said about this. I need my space. The reality is I am trying to live a different lifestyle than most so I need a space to retreat to so I can recharge. I am not 100% successful but a lot of what this world calls fun I call it draining, boring, and a waste of time. And I really don't like small talk. OOps, did i just say that publicly. Well it is the truth.
5. Opposition and invalidation. It comes from all angles and sides. Don't be surprised. Continue to rely on God, God alone. Continue to strive to be pleasing to Him. Because when all is said and done I want Him to know that I did the best I could do. Also Keeping in my mind that He put certain ideas and desires in me that others may not understand because their purpose is different than mine. It isn't personal. And if it is... So What.
6. Operate from the mode that everyone is doing the best s/he can do.
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| Silliness for Peace |
7. Continue to try to better myself. I was proud of myself for trying to immerse myself in my studies (Islamic) when things weren't going right. I tend to study anyway but this was different. of course. Anyway, enough of this already.
My smile has returned. Praise God! Like I said, it fades at time but it is here. My day started slower and a lil later than normal as I had to pump myself up. :) Prayed. still was feelin a lil blah. Exercised. better but blah. cleaned and packaged eggs. ok. improving. made children breakfast. better. and so on and so on. By the night it was clear that tho I thought (think) about throwing in the towel. I know that God would be pleased with the progress I am making. So continue to do what I do and build on it. Smiling (on the inside) the whole time.
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| Being Silly me iphone and The Boy |
Some days just keeping on is real progress. I agree with you so much about rest and assuming people are doing their best. Even if they're not, it helps me to think so.
ReplyDeleteI love your smile -- although I don't ever want you to think that you have to keep being smily for other people. We like you in all kinds of moods and ways.